Dating...Unconventionally [Part 2]

Even though I have emails from Match.com for days, I figured I would save them for later and introduce you to the newest craze... Tinder. 

Tinder truly is in a class of its own. 

For those of you that have ever given it a try, you know exactly what I mean. 

And for the other half of the population who have absolutely no idea what Tinder even is...

Simply put- it's a phone app that accesses your Facebook, showing you mutual friends, friends of friends of friends (mostly complete strangers), within a certain radius. Besides a short description (if they even have one), you really only have their pictures to go off of. If this isn't the epitome of shallowness,  I don't what is.

Swipe left=not interested, swipe right= "oh, what the hell" (usually the first thought). 

By swiping right, you let the app know that you think the person is hot enough to talk to and it shoots your pictures over to them, without them having any idea that you already liked theirs. If they find you just as attractive and also swipe right, it becomes a match and you're able to have a conversation with them. They swipe left and you're S-O-L, but look on the bright side- you don't have to deal with the same rejection you usually would face-to-face at a bar. 

In my opinion, it's a hot-bed for hook-ups and full of people unable to commit. Though it may work for some, if you're specifically searching for Mr./Mrs. Right, Tinder may not be the best place to look first. 

Just to clear the air - yes, I have dated a few guys from here...and towards the beginning of this year, I met an amazing man, but as of right now, we are no longer together. So again, not all hope is lost, just be aware of what you're getting yourself into and get ready for some serious laughs.

You can't make this shit up.

         Typical deer-in-the-headlights selfie                                                                                         Cool hat, dude!

     Looking for someone presentable, eh?                                                                      Nice to meet you, Teddy Bear.

      

   No debt AND credit? Man, what a catch!                                                              I'd like to test out those cooking skills. NOT!

   

Which one are you? And were you found guilty?                                  I will never look at bananas the same.

 

                       Oh, Andy...                                                                                                               SEXY!

            

There are NO words...

A final note to the men of Tinder:

Just because you're really good at swiping right & might be somewhat attractive, it doesn't mean you're too cool for school. Send the girl a freaking message! :)

Dating...Unconventionally [Part 1]

We all have our own ways of meeting people and I've learned never to judge.  I've tried everything from online dating to matchmaking and let me tell you- it's exhausting.  People always ask "Why can't you just meet someone normally?" But let's be real- what is "normal" nowadays, anyway?

Have I been successful? Though everyone measures success differently, I have learned more about dating in the past few years than most women my age. There have been plenty of interesting stories from theses encounters/escapades/whatever you want to call them, that certainly have kept all my friends entertained, but I would be lying if I said there hasn't also been a lot of drama and whole lotta tears.

Since I don't have any evidence from previous attempts, I decided to do a free trial of Match.com at the end of December/early January to gather material to share with y'all. Below are just a few of the 120 emails I received within 6 days.

[Please note that I'm not trying to deter anyone from giving online dating a shot, but rather expose the humor that goes along with it.]

Let's start out with the WORST possible email you could send someone when trying to break the ice:

 What am I doing? NOT messaging you back. 

Guys- I beg of you - when you send a message to a girl, please actually have something to say.

or

You get a message that looks like this:

Crazy sexy, really? Does that even deserve a response? Probably shouldn't expect much when their name is SwiftSnoogan or their headline says "rock and roll".

and

Sometimes you wind up with the
OVERLY enthusiastic guy:

 

 Gentlemen, we want you to show some excitement, but please keep the exclamation marks to a minimum, okay?

AND 

Other times you get messages 

that you have absolutely no idea how to respond to:

Weird, much?

         Don't worry, there is plenty more where that came from, but I'll keep some for future posts. :)

The 25 Year-Old Plague

In an effort to not sound like another one of my "tangents", I do want you to know that my blog posts CAN be somewhat informative (depending on how you look at it, of course). My friends would say that I am a good advice giver, even if I may choose to not take my own advice at certain times (and then, later regret it). One of the pieces of advice that I have found myself giving most often to my girlfriends lately is: 

***Avoid 25 Year-Olds Like The Plague*** 

Now, this may seem utterly ridiculous when you first hear it, but there is substantial reasoning behind this....and it's what I like to call the "Mountain Effect". 

What is the Mountain Effect, you may ask???

[The easiest way to explain it is through a diagram, so I took the liberty of making one.  :) ]

Your typical 25 year-old MALE is in the prime of his life....living life as a bachelor, partying with friends, basically going crazy. At this point, he has been out of college for a few years, his career is just picking up and he has a little bit of experience under his belt (which may contribute to his growing ego). As time goes on, he begins to slowly realize that maybe, just MAYBE he should consider settling down....seriously dating and finding that special someone.

That sounds too good to be true, huh? Oh it is....

He goes out one night with his buddies, has a conversation with his newly single (and bitter) friend who tells him relationships are overrated and almost instantaneously regresses back to his original state.
But not only does he regress.....oh no.....he hits ROCK-BOTTOM. Now, he is worst off, and there is nothing anyone can really do to help him.
Don't worry though! He will eventually snap out of it as the years pass and all his friends start actually settling down, leaving him as the token single man.


Remember, there ARE exceptions. In no way am I saying that every last 25 year-old male on this planet is just like what I am describing....but in my experience, all I can do is advise you to take the proper precautions. Men of any age can fall into this category.... and you would be surprised just how many men UNDER 25, make up this exception! (I do know of a few 23/24 year olds that are looking to settle down, but I would by lying if I said I wasn't waiting for the "Mountain Effect" to kick in once they hit 25).

And for the men, YES, women can also fall under this "25 year-old plague" that I am referring to...I never said they couldn't. I simply took the experiences I have had with men and came up with this theory, which continues to prove its own validity over and over AND over again.


Ladies, if you want to "climb" the mountain with the hot 25 year-old you met at the bar last weekend, be my guest....but do us all a favor don't act completely surprised when the plague finally creeps up on you! :)

Jaded? I don't think so.

It is easy to think that women have a preconceived notion that there are no good men left in this world.

And it is isn't that we are jaded...

or bitter...

The fact is that if men were actually good in general, NOT somewhat good, but all around good,

we would have absolutely no reason to say that. :)

To the men--- (it might be next to impossible to do this), but in order to avoid this discussion at all costs, just simply reciprocate.

Reciprocate your feelings....reciprocate the nice things that we do for you....and don't just do it because you "have" to, do it because you genuinely want to.

And here is a new concept- use other words/phrases besides, "OK," "that's cool," "that's nice," or "whatever you want." Is your vocabulary really that restricted? 

Word to the wise: If we are already pissed off, hearing those words come out of your mouth is not going to help your cause one little bit.

If a woman looks beautiful, say -----> "You look beautiful/stunning/magnificent, etc." DON'T say "You look pretty/nice" (or whatever extremely boring adjectives that men are notorious for spitting out of their mouth). 

And we definitely DON'T tell you something to have you respond with just, "OK".  (men wonder where our frustration stems from).

********

To add more fuel to our fire....

Shows like the Bachelor & Bachelorette bring on a whole slew of emotions for women.

(Men--- if you didn't already know to stay clear of us during these seasons, you do now!)

We learn that there are amazing men out there (but unfortunately, they came out of hiding and decided to go on national tv to find love.) 

And these men don't just look good.....

they have a way with their words.....

So as each week passes, and once that hour is up on Monday nights, we subconsciously begin expecting to hear the same exact things that we witnessed on ABC (though there is a very small chance of that every truly happening). 

And in our mind, at least we know that someone's fairytale love story is taking place

and....

we begin to want that even more.

Which usually ends up causing even more frustration on our part, because we snap out of it & realize...

it's national TV (and it's not real life).

In real life,  you wouldn't have your pick of 25 gorgeous men who are fighting for your affection (and are willing to almost kill each other for it [even though they say the women are worse then the men--pshhh]).

AND

You wouldn't be living in a mansion in California somewhere in close proximity to these gorgeous men.

IN ADDITION TO

Going on incredible, over the top dates with those gorgeous men.

AND LASTLY

You DEFINITELY would not be traveling around the world with the same gorgeous men and wind up getting proposed to at the end of it all by ONE gorgeous man. 

Thus, watching shows like the Bachelor or Bachelorette has made me accept the fact that this is not normal life. So in conclusion, we are NOT jaded.....

we just get stuck with the less-than-mediocre men who are not on these shows and have absolutely no idea how to handle women (even though their larger-than-life egos say otherwise). 

So, just like every other woman in America (whether they want to admit it or not), I will continue to sit in agony season after season, being constantly reminded of what is NOT happening in my life. 

[Disclaimer: I am not jaded like I sound, but I do know men can be extremely frustrating and ABC does not help our situation at all :) ]

Boyfriend-less

Being single really is not the worst thing that could happen to you, except when people around you
make you feel like it is the end of the world. NEWS FLASH: not EVERYONE needs to be getting         engaged every other day.

Call me cynical, but have we all forgotten about a little thing called the "divorce rate"? 50% of all marriages end in divorce, with percentages aiming for the 70's in current marriages. If that doesn't help you snap back into reality, I don't know what will. But of course, everyone thinks that their relationship is so different that they can overcome anything. Face it- it doesn't matter how wonderful your relationship is, everyone has their problems and unfortunately, divorce might wind up being your only solution.

Having been in the wedding industry, I can confidently tell you I have met couples who are truly in love, thought they were, or were headed straight towards divorce within 18 months. You can't tell a couple who is high on pre-wedding bliss that they shouldn't be wasting tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding that they are going to be paying off even after their divorce. It's a shame, but it's the truth.

I find it funny that just because you are in the industry, people automatically assume you are in a relationship, are engaged and planning the wedding of the century, or happily married. Once someone realizes I'm not engaged or in a relationship, the tone in their voice and the look on their faces changes, with the usual, "OH." response (and then they quickly switch the subject).

Do I want a boyfriend? Sure.

Do I need one? Definitely not.

Once the holidays rolled around this year, I found myself being thankful for not having the expense of a boyfriend and continually reminded my single friends of this upside. What's the point of being completely miserable during a joyous time when you could be spending that extra money on yourself?  :)

I know plenty of people get into relationships just so they aren't lonely during the holidays or just to be able to say that they actually are in a relationship (I call them serial monogamists).  I see absolutely no point in that.

My happiness and sanity are far more important to me than subjecting myself to a relationship that doesn't truly bring me the happiness that I want and deserve in order to give into the intense (and absurd) social pressures. That's why I'm okay with being....

boyfriend-less.

(for the time being)

Online dating...what's the big deal?

You are an absolute liar if you say that the thought of online dating has never crossed your mind at least once. I'm not ashamed to say that I have tried online dating and though it's not for everyone, it sure is one hell of an experience.

Those who have tried online dating will definitely agree with these pros and cons:

Pro:

-You have the choice of many guys right at your finger tips, whether they are good prospects or not.

Con:

-The good prospects are slim-to-none.

Pro:

-You don't have to waste your time dressing up to go meet someone at a bar-- you can be a hot mess behind your computer screen and they would never know.

Con:

- The person on the other side of the screen may or may not be a complete mess all the time.

Pro:

- If it get's awkward or he is a complete a**, all you have to do is click out of the screen.

Con:

-He could hack into your computer and start stalking you (worst case scenario).

Pro:

- It can help you to relay your thoughts better if you are more on the shy side.

Con:

-If you meet in person- you're screwed.

Pro:

- You are able to get to know the person on a deeper level, rather than only having an immediate physical attraction.

Con:

-You meet them and you are completely disgusted.

Pro:

-You could meet someone who is too good to be true.

Con:

- He is not emotionally stable or mentally stable for that matter (hence why he has been on the dating site consistently for 2 years and has yet to find someone to date him).

People feel as if they can be whoever they want to be when on an online dating site, without fear of rejection or ridicule. What I have noticed though is that it is usually the man who will put anything on his profile to make him sound more desirable to the opposite sex (when, let's face it---he is not the "catch" he has convinced himself to be). A little word to the wise--- Skype is ultimately the deciding factor to see if he looks like his pictures or if he has Googled images to put on his profile.

Sometimes we want to give people the benefit of the doubt but girls, c'mon-- if a 50 or 60 year old man is contacting you online, it's not because you look like his daughter's friend and he wanted to say "hi", it's because he is just plain nasty.

I don't want to turn people off from the idea of online dating because the truth of the matter is, I know several people who have met their partner online. Even though I have had dealt with some real nightmares, I have also met some terrific people. Some of them I went on dates with and unfortunately, it didn't work out, but I remain friends with them to this day. There is a reason why these sites are successful, so I would not discredit the idea of trying one out.

Remember to be safe, have fun, and most of all be yourself, because you never know who you're going to meet---

that creep might wind up being your future husband. :)

Who needs a kid when you have a Yorkie?

Those who know me, know I love my dog Romeo. But for those who don't know, let me introduce you to the little monster who stole my heart.

Don't worry, I'm not one of those crazy dog ladies that centers their lives around their animals, even though he is a big part of mine. However, the past few days he has been sick as a dog (bad joke, I know), and I realized, who really needs a kid when you have a Yorkie?

For anyone that owns a Yorkie, you know exactly what I'm talking about when I say that they are very demanding of your time. They are like babies, no matter what age they may be- constantly being coddled and having to give all of your attention to, throwing the ball for what seems like hours upon hours, and let's not forget the bladder the size of a grain of rice.

Romeo just turned 3 years old a few months ago and though he is a lot better than he was when I first brought him home, he in some ways is even more of a baby than ever before. He loves to be held all the time, endlessly craves human contact, and has the worst separation anxiety I have ever experienced.(Pshh-- don't you wish you had a guy who was just as loyal? haha) The best part is, I think he is even more verbal than an actual baby is!

I cannot even begin to imagine how it is to have a real baby and give it up to any one that thinks they can take on that challenge at this age (even though I think you're absolutely nuts). Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to the day that I start a family, but until then I am enjoying my time to myself.

And as I wait for that day to come, I have a little glimpse into what motherhood will be like (in the shape of a 7 pound ball of fury). I still reap some of the benefits, such as being able to drop the little one off at Grandma and Grandpa's when I don't want to deal with him. My parent's are excited to be grandparents to a human in the future and probably realize that they are also getting their practice in until that day comes, as well.

So the moral of this post is that if you want to be woken up in the middle of the night for no reason, clean up bodily fluids of some sort on a daily basis, or deal with continuous crying and whining,

DON'T have a kid.....

get a Yorkie.